How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
