I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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