Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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