Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
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I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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