A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize