Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
