I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
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