The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
