You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
