We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I deserve this hangover.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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