I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Drake has all the answers
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
