I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
