Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
