That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize