I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
This is the high leading the old right now
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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