farters have to be the big spoon...
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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