you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
