11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
