Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Can i not drive my cunt home
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
