This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
