life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
