a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
