My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
