dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
