Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
