I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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