Where did you get a picture of my penis
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
