If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
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STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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