Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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