my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
