I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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