Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
