We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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