i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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