dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
