I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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