Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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