Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
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