If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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