My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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