At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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