i think my tv is drunk
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
