Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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