i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
