my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
