O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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