i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
