Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
