Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
