i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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