i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
