I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
