I think I died a long time ago.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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