She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
