I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
