Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
