I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
