Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize