Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
