dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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