He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
