I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
