Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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