Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
