I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
