FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
