Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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