You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Randomize