Whod you bang
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
