even my farts smell like vagina
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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