Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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