running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
where are you?
Hypothermia
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
