Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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