did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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