It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Don't make out with my wife yet
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
