So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
