you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
