Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
