I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
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