i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
