She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
