6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
