sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
