Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Randomize
